a quest for fearless communication- staying out of the “white room”
In a recent episode of the hit comedy series, "Only Murders in the Building," Steve Martin's character, Charles, undergoes an out-of-body experience known to seasoned actors as entering the "white room." This is where stress and anxiety reach such heights that one completely detaches from reality, losing all sense of time and space – a place you definitely don't want to visit.
A decade ago, nearly to this very day, I stood on the brink of starring in the title role of Cinderella on Broadway. Two thousand pairs of eyes were about to fixate on me for the very first time. As the overture swelled, a nagging seed of doubt crept into my mind. What if I wasn't perfect? What if I failed spectacularly? What if, instead of gracefully losing a glass slipper, I tripped down that grand staircase and kissed my Broadway dreams goodbye?
In that moment, it felt like a freight train had collided with my senses. Vision blurred, shivers wracked my body, and my palms dripped with sweat. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart and the ringing in my ears. It wasn't the infamous "white room" of no return, but it was a full-fledged panic attack.
Summoning every ounce of willpower and knowing that this moment had been a lifetime in the making, I took a series of deep breaths. Fiercely battling against my own mind and body, I found the courage to step onto that stage and into the spotlight.
Two hours later, as I basked in the glow of a standing ovation, I was elated but also irked. Yes, my leap of faith had paid off, but why had my mind and body seemingly betrayed me after all those months of preparation and sacrifice?
That experience was the catalyst that redirected the course of my life for the next decade. I was no longer content to lose myself in the persona of a character; I was resolute in my pursuit of understanding my own authentic self and standing in my power as a person, not just a performer. I embarked on a path of self-discovery, diving headfirst into the mysteries of the mind. I devoured books on the topic, embraced a rigorous twelve-week meditation course, made daily yoga a practice, and delved into therapy. Then, one day, it happened – an "aha!" moment that forever altered my professional trajectory.
Since then, my life's mission has been to share the secrets of authentic communication with others.
The power of a single fear-based thought can be paralyzing in any situation – I truly understand. Whether it's a casual one-on-one conversation or a high-stakes presentation, that fear can manifest as extreme anxiety, a panic attack, or a trip to the dreaded "white room." It's a lesson that appearances can be deceiving, and if we only focus on the external, the façade will eventually crumble. It's time to step up, take control, and own our authenticity through self-investment and hard work.
If you do, I promise the rewards of your courage will be bountiful. Two hundred performances and standing ovations later, I'm so glad I did.
